Dear Aliens: You forgot the nipples

Unauthorized shot of Marky Mark?

Before I say anything about this topic, I just want to clear the record here and say that I do not have my nipples pierced.  That said, I can tell you that there are more than a few dudes out there that have pierced their nips and don’t seem to have any problem with telling people about it.  As a card-carrying member of the heterosexual male class, I find it a bit of a gray area, when a man decides to do this.

Before you assume I’m a homophobe, let me tell you that I am pretty open-minded – I have to be as a body-piercer.  Some of the things I am asked to do would make the devil blush (more on that later).  It’s not that men piercing their nipples is shocking or strange, it’s just, well… unnecessary.  I mean, the fact that we (men) even have nipples at all is ridiculous!  Maybe back millions of years ago we suckled our young, alternating milk shifts with our women.  Or maybe we weren’t with women at all.   Maybe there weren’t women and we were giant, hairy, big-titted, earth-worm looking things with huge heads hopping around on a big single tail appendage.   Uggghhhhh – what a lame existence that was!  (I’m sure glad those aliens came along and cross-bred us to work for them.  Overall, I’d give them an A- for the job, the minus the get is for bailing on us and going home before they remembered to ixnay the dude nips.)

Another contributing factor might be that most of the male genital piercing started with the gays back in the day.  Either way, to each his own, right?  Unlike the piercer in the picture, I’ve reached a point in my piercing career where I can cherry-pick what piercings I do.  If a dude comes in and tries to whip out his winkie in front of me I have my apprentice handle it.  (However, it’s a totally different ball-game when a chick wants something done there, if you know what I mean, Jean?)

That’s all I got for now…


One thought on “Dear Aliens: You forgot the nipples

  1. Well put space-brother! I never liked my nipples either – and I don’t care how incorrect it might sound, any man that wants pierced nipples has some sugar in his tank, if ya know what I mean.

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